hmms. i like getting what i want. as spoilt brat as that sounds :p hah.

i'm dreaming of... strawberry shortcake, sunsets, walks along the beach, tea and a book on a rainy afternoon. all of which i'm hoping to get in japan (: haha.

while i treasure it, want to have it, am waiting for it. i know i can't put things on hold, on pause button till it comes. i know too well the feeling of everyone having moved on, walked past, and me just standing on the spot. staring into space. no more. because i think the worst feeling in the world, is when you have built your whole life on someone or something, and then to have it wrenched away from you. leaving you falling, empty and with nothing to hold on to.

its been one hell of a hectic weekend. i'm so tired i'm ready to collapse and die.

well at least my japan trip is getting somewhere -.- gonna stick to japan only. no korea or beijing or whatever random places pop into my parents' head. sheesh. and its gonna be my mum & i again. ah wells. at least i can do the things i like (:

a block of wood. versus a sparkling rainbow. i wonder if its others that have changed. or have they always been the same, but my view of them changed, or perhaps it is my preference for things have changed. ponders.

i hope i don't have to see some people for quite awhile -.-

i don't think i've ever been quite so sober at zouk before. hmms. maybe its cos i have nothing much to escape from. that there's nothing much i want that alcohol can give me. smirks.

but it was a pretty good night. hilarious because of my two girls who kept swaying like palm trees in a tropical storm -.- at least i didn't have to shake any hands tonight. sheesh.

ureshi (:

aerosmith, guitar heroes, bumming, long car drive/ride and a very adorable ('god') nephew made for a wonderful night. i couldn't ask for more really.

when i come home.. it feels like i never left. i'm surrounded by ppl i do really want to see. never having to see ppl i don't like (mainly cos i don't go out). its a wonderful feeling really. and when i sit by my daybed watching the sun rise and set everyday. everything feels the same. it feels like home. its a indescribable feeling, this tightening of the chest. this feeling of belonging. and thoughts of how i don't even want to apply for an internship in london start popping into my head. how i don't want to spend anymore unnecessary years away from here..

and as soon as those thoughts appear, the opposite ones do too. i built something by myself, the exact way i wanted in london. i can say proudly that i put up my room, my dorm, cooked my food, did my own laundry. the independence i have over there is exhilirating and refreshing. there are so many ppl over there who i love too. and i can't imagine not seeing them for years.

gah. what a bloody confused state i'm in. and the worst thing is i got to sort this shit out in less than a year's time. brilliant -.-

sometimes i think that the one thing i'm looking for doesn't really exist. shrugs. and my idealistic world of imagination is too far beyond that of reality. which is probably the truth. haha. doesn't that mean that i'm chasing something that i created myself, that doesn't exist. and my search for it will never end, cos its not there to be found. and since i won't settle for anything less than what i want. it probably means i'll just spend my entire life searching and never finding that peace.

hmms. a bleak picture i'm painting. hah.

but while i still can, while i still believe. i shall happily immerse myself in my world of make-believe.

GAHHH being the bloody seow chauffeur made me miss e uneven bars finals -.- grumbles. but at least he kexin won (((((((((((((: hahaha. the poor thing fell off during qualifiers. barely squeezed into the finals but omg she is bloody ass good.

i'm really liking anna pavlova & stelliana nistor (if that's how you spell her name) hahaha. the europrean gymnasts are classy (y) and of course jiang yuyuan & he kexin. adorable. hee.

i'm a happy happy girl (((: i finally got my itouch. meeheehee. so now i've got my fav anime with me ALL THE TIME. yayness. oh plus 2 pairs of shoes too. hee.

dinner party on fri was lovely (: oh how i love my friends. my very loud shrieking friends too -.- hahaha.

how nice it'd be to be the most important person in that special someone's heart. haha. i think devotion is underrated nowadays. everyone just expects more and more, expensive presents, looks, yada yada. but i think the basic emotions are the most impt.

tonight was really the first of all firsts -.- sheesh. one malaysian, one scottish, one hongkong-er and 2 singaporeans squatted/stood at e corner of little india at the prince of wales pub. gosh. i thought only this shit happened in london. sheesh. it was really interesting. hahaha.

i'm so gonna regret all of this tmr ): i hope my shoes aren't ruined.

AND. i hate the bloody british gymnastics commentators. WHO THE FUCK HOPES THAT SOMEONES GET INJURED?!?!?!!?!? WTF. i'm so pissed at them. thank goodness uchimura pulled through. he worked from 23rd place to 2nd place ((((((((((((((((: i'm so happy. heeeeee.

when i decide to let go. when i decide there's no hope left. i burn everything to do with it. no turning back.

i'm missing the streets of paris, the arnos river in florence, the cool crisp air of london, the warm sunshine in marseille, the serenity in aix en provence, the whimsical-ness of venice, the culture and history of kyoto, the myriad of colours in tokyo. i need to travel

swoons. oh my fluttering heart :p smirks. the up & coming young gymnasts are WOOTS! :DDDD hahaha. today's art gym mens' team finals had me screaming my lungs out. grins. happiness i tell you.

my new favourite men gymnasts (((:
1. kohei uchimura (he's younger than me but oh so darn cute. plus he has character, is how damn good and has flair. oh how i like. i hope he wins an individual all around! hee. and on e high bar too!)
2. hiroyuki tomita (so seasoned, so cute, so brooding. though reminds me abit of jem tan. hmms)
3. alexander artemev (i only like the non american americans -.- because he is soviet union by birth. hence he is so much classier, smaller & gracious than e other bloody americans -.-)
4. fabien hambuechen (i saw him back in 2004 olympics. this small little scrawny boy with GLASSES! 0_o no gymnast wears glasses to compete. and at the olympics somemore. haha. he's my age and boy has he grown :p so freaking amazing on the high bar.)

oh and li xiaopeng gets a mention cos he's e only one of e chinese who doesn't seem like a freaking robot (rolls eyes). i mean i think e chinese team is amazing and freaking powerful. but just lacks that spark no?

YAY JAPAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

excuse my cheesiness.. but i think its wonderful to be chinese (;

sighs why are there no tall brooding guys around. and when i say brooding, i don't mean cynical, gothic or suicidal -.- just well pensive? hahaha. i think my ideal man only exists in movies, tv or anime. blearghs.

yawns. i'm tired and sleepy. the past few days have been wonderful (: i don't want it to end ):

oh i'm missing rgs days. saw all the small little rg girls (with RED NAMETAGS) omg 4 yrs below us 0_o i sad i sad. even seeing e rj dancers photos also make me sad. sighs.

omg omg omg. i love love love mia michaels :DDDDDDDDDDDDD

screw time today was love



viennese waltz is amazingggggggg. haha. my wedding dance i swear (that is if i even can get a wedding). smirks.

some ppl can't seem to understand how i can joke so lightly about marriage. hahaha. i'm a sucker for true love. i want to wait cos i believe in it. and any amount of time is worth it. if i'm alone at the end of the day, then i'll just live my life that way (: no regrets. hah. i wonder if i'll still be able to say this 10 yrs from now. we'll see. grins



this is just beautiful. brought tears to my life. i really don't think that greatly of the dancers on this sytycd season individually. but together they're phenomenal. its like every couple's a alison & ivan ((((:



omg omg omg more more more :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDd i'm overloading from dance happiness here. ahahaha.

i'm looking at the sticker i have of marie (from aristocats) that i have above my computer. her nose upturned, tail in the air, prancing away. hahaha. somehow i think this is perfect for me now :p the i don't give a fuck about everyone else, i'm living my life my way mentality.

talking to mel today was wonderful (: similar thoughts eh. hahaha. and then kaylene's in spore (((: so gonna spend tmr with her and hongmin. goodies.

too many ball-less bastards around -.- sighs

marc jacobs is fucking hot. sighs. why are all the hot talented gorgeous wonderful men gay -.- puts a real damper on everything. ah wells. hahaha. i was joking with someone tt if i do have 2 sons one day, i'd name em marc & jacob. so when i call them, it'd be like calling marc jacobs. hahaha.

anyway, i've been sick sleeping and recovering one hell of a 3 weeks. my internship's over :p which i'm happy cos i can sleep in. but i'm gonna miss it quite abit cos my fellow interns were such lovely ppl (((: hahaha, the lunch times were the highlights. grins. all the stupid shit we did too. plus e ktv-ing on e last night and e party yest (: twas mucho fun. thank goodness most of em are uk students, so i'll definitely get to see em back in uk. HEE.

i'm missing europe. and getting this whole shit i'm gonna be in one place for more than 2 months kinda itch again. was thinking about marseille, the gorgeous seas and port. the wonderful seafood. the fresh air, warm sunshine (make that burning), listening to french. and then aix en provence which was so peaceful and tranquil. haha. my mum wants to retire there. i adore french families, they're positively glowing with love it seems -.- or then again maybe cos i can't understand wth they're saying to each other. haha. sighs and venice. florence. i want to go holidayingggggggg ): anyway, up on the list of to go places next yr are: santorini & mikonos, barcelona (with ming), germany (for october fest), prague or budapest and morocco (((: and there is somewhere angie, chongs & i agreed that we'd all go together, that i can't think of now -.- shit.

i'm terribly terribly happy that viola & goldfish are heading up to london. so that makes 4 rj dancers whom i love to death in the uk, plus a few more people who i just feel so safe and at home with (: there's no worrying about rumours being spread, about being backstabbed or bitched about. sighs. too much drama alr.

anyone wants to watch travis in london with me? 8th oct :D hahaha. shib, cui or joyce??? i think tickets are 20 quid! hehh. and its at astoria, which is at tottenham court rd :D even better eh.

i'm starting dirty sexy money (((: woots. my kinda show. hehee

the monkey on my table is swinging happily.

i can't wait for tmr to be over, then i have the luxury of just locking myself up in my room (y) and only seeing ppl i want to see and not slimey slick bastards. urghs. which means alot of mel, screw, yipeng and happy ppl time (:

heck care is e best way to live.